I’ve not been tending to my inner garden and it’s been showing.
Initially, I claimed I needed a break from this newsletter to recharge my writing voice and to find some inspiration - which was true. However, it turned out that I actually needed a break from my inner over-achiever.
It’s been months since I’ve created a body of work that I was actually proud of. My inner over-achiever has been extremely disappointed in the way I’ve produced content just to produce content.
In all honesty, I can’t say I disagree, my work has felt redundant and poorly crafted. The truth is, somewhere along the way I got disconnected from my sources of joy and the values that guide my personal life.
So, the universe used this past Mercury retrograde as a way to encourage a writing break, which in turn, helped me see the ways I hold myself back from reaching my fullest potential.
During my break, I spent some time with The Spacious Tarot, a tarot deck I bought around the time I stopped creating work I was proud of. I intended to use it with another deck, but after unboxing and shuffling the cards, I never touched them again. Then, I fell into a creative slump.
Since then, this deck has been on my desk begging me to pick it up. On a day I was avoiding a mountain of responsibilities, I picked the first card on the top, The Emperor.
Now, I’m not really a huge fan of The Emperor. Generally, it’s shrouded in male dominance, whiteness, and the false notion that we innately possess the traits needed to be a leader.
Yet, The Spacious Tarot’s version of The Emperor caught me off guard with its gentle demeanor and dynamic symbolism.
Rather than the qualities of this card being embodied through the assumption that we all have an innate ability to lead, this depiction illustrates what’s possible when you create an environment that is conducive to growth.
This version of the card is a reminder that we’re in charge of making sure the seeds we plant have the perfect environment to grow into the plant they’re supposed to be.
Symbolically, this card shows the outcome of a setting that is supportive of growth - a fully bloomed flower. On the other hand, this card indirectly illustrates the commitment needed in order to make sure the flower blooms at its fullest potential.
If you’ve ever planted a seed in a garden, you know it’s a long and arduous process to get a seed to germinate, let alone grow into the plant it’s destined to be. One must be committed to supporting a seed’s growth from start to finish, even though changing conditions and growing pains.
At the same time, no matter what we do to create an environment supportive of growth, there’s no way of knowing what the outcome of growth will be.
Simply put, you’ll never know what your seeds will grow into unless you remain commited to seeing their growth. Even then, the seeds you plant might grow into something you never expected.
This means we must accept the journey from seed to flower in its entirety. The growing pains between this transition can be the hardest part of the journey, yet, these growing pains are what make the journey meaningful.
A person who embodies The Emperor card not only creates a well-designed environment, they also stick around to maintain the environment as conditions change.
For months, my garden has been full of weeds - the over-achieving type of weeds. Instead of doing the work to get rid of them, I’ve been watering them to the point where they’ve been taking from the seeds I’ve planted.
Taking a writing break showed me that I’ve not been doing a good job of embodying the essence of The Emperor, but, with the necessary maintenance, I can fix my environment so that my flowers can bloom.
I accept my recent creative lull as part of the journey, and as an opportunity to release my attachment to unrealistic outcomes. Therefore, with the help of The Emperor, I’m committed to giving myself and this newsletter the best chance of blooming into something beautiful.
So, how are you tending to the seeds you’ve planted?